My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
