Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize