Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
