I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
