I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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