I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
