Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
