okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
