I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
