We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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