I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
