You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize