You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
