So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
