you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
