I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
