I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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