I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
