first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
