I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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