How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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