I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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