the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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