when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
