The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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