nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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