8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
