Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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