you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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