Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
