textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
