apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
