sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you win again, gameday.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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