How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
