I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
