I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
