Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
