Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
