Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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