I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize