we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
