You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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