How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
