so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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