Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
