Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
