Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
