Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
