Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Randomize