I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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