I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
