I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
