by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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