ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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