If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
