...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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