I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
