I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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