I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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