One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You ruined the universe
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
