Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
