Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
