Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
