Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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