but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
