Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
