Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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