Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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