girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
