I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
