i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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