guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
FUCK WHALES
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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