i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
