It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
