my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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