I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
